Why Do I Look at Porn When I’m Angry?

Hey, it’s Craig.

Today we’re talking about why you look at porn, when you look at porn and where you look at porn. We talk a lot about “triggers.” Some of you are, perhaps, familiar with that language, but for those who aren’t…

Figuring out your triggers means, “Asking yourself why you’re doing something.” Then, after you have asked yourself why, the idea is that you would dive beneath the surface to explore the answer. It’s simple to say, “Well… I saw a billboard that turned me on,” but more often than not, especially if something like pornography is a debilitating struggle for you, there is still deeper work to be done.

Why do I look at porn when I’m angry? It’s like asking, “Why do I go eat dinner when I’m hungry?” Because you’re hungry.

In our Pilgrimage 2.0 series, we talk about specifically about the connection between pornography and anger.

Anger is not only the easiest emotion to defer to, but it also acts as a “protector” of whatever hurt lies beneath. Likely, then, your anger is indicative of a deeper issue. The question then becomes, “What triggered your anger?”

This may come as a shock to some of you who read this post today, but when I asked Seth – one of the brothers who wrote My Pilgrimage – about the relationship pornography has to anger, he said that he has a go-to method for getting the point across: He tells the guys in his group to watch all the porn they want.

And why in the world would he do that? Because he wants them to feel. Because just the “permission” given becomes a thought-provoking deterrent from what is normally, thoughtlessly habitual. It forces them to reevaluate why they’re running to pornography in the first place.

So many guys have just stopped feeling. They’re angry and reactionary. They’ve become numb. He wants to force them to feel, because it is in the context of feeling that one is then forced to ask himself, “Why am I looking at this?” And if it’s because you’re angry or you’re bored or something triggered you, then you can kind of back up and go, “Oh, that’s what I need to deal with, not just the porn.” 

The next time you’re upset, ask yourself why. Next time you’re angry, don’t just thoughtlessly run to porn as a numbing agent. Go on a run or go to the gym or go do something else besides just sit there and dull yourself in front of a computer screen.

Porn, oftentimes, is just something you’re using to medicate a deeper problem. It makes you feel better or numb or distracted from what you’re really feeling in the first place. And you can’t work on your addiction until you figure out the underlying issue.

MY FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THIS PODCAST EPISODE

• Figuring out your triggers means asking yourself why you’re doing something. “Why” is an indictment, and it forces you to dig deeper down for the answer to the real question.
• Anger is not only the easiest emotion to defer to, but it also acts as a “protector” of whatever hurt lies beneath. Likely, then, your anger is indicative of a deeper issue. The question then becomes, “What triggered your anger?”
• So many guys have just stopped feeling. They’ve become numb. And so when they’re forced to feel they can ask themselves, “Why am I looking at this?”
• The next time you’re upset, ask yourself why. Next time you’re angry, don’t just thoughtlessly run to the porn as a numbing agent. Go on a run or go to the gym or go do something else besides just sit there and numb yourself in front of a computer screen.
• Porn oftentimes is just what you’re using to medicate your problems. It makes you feel better or numb or distracted from what you’re really feeling in the first place.

LISTEN TO THE AUDIO

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