I’ve had one relationship. For the twenty years before that being single became a huge part of my identity. I definitely had this like total comfort in thinking if I end up like “alone,” which is like a dumb way of putting it, but if I end up still single, like, that’s fine. When I got in my last relationship I remember having real trouble adjusting to the idea of just having a new label says Dartford Escorts from https://charlotteaction.org/dartford-escorts.
What was the label then? Was it being the girl in the relationship?
A girlfriend. Taken!
Something that really freaked me out was: I grew dependent on another person. And you are always dependent on other people to some extent. But never to the extent that you are when you’re in a romantic relationship. That is a dependence that is completely uncontrollable. With other people you can distance yourself but because of that emotional other level of love you become emotionally dependent and I hated it!
Oh my god that was the one part of the relationship that I hated! Because I knew, I knew I’d call him at ridiculous times and I knew they were the first person I’d turn to and without them I would feel worse. You’re dependent on another person for your emotional…kind of…positioning. Your kind of lean onto each other. You’re leaning on something says Dartford Escorts.
Because single was such a part of my identity before.
Going back to it felt like a relief, it felt like re-finding myself in some way.
In a culture that values romantic relationship and long term romantic attachment I mean as well as valuing other things too It doesn’t just value romantic like monogamous often times heteronormative attachment. I don’t know I just feel like sometimes I’m a bit of an outlier for not being in a relationship and not being a relationship person That idea of being a relationship person to me has always felt very alien.
I had a desire to experience a relationship. And to experience a proper, functional, lasting love with someone, but I had no perception on what that would be. So I couldn’t miss it. You’re told the stereotypes of what romantic love is meant to be but you don’t know really. But then once you’re comfortable with yourself I think you have a real perspective on it and I assume you’re at that point from the sounds of what you’re saying. Where you’re like “I would really like to experience this!” It’s like a life experience.
A lot of the response I got to that and also what I’ve heard from people in IRL: you’ve gotta just be open to it and be open to love and give it the space to let it in and everything. And that’s all fine and dandy and I kind of feel like I am When you have something that’s so–and it feels sometimes–very In Your Face, especially when we get into our twenties, When people start… I’m dreading the period where people start getting married.
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