I Keep Trying Harder but Keep Failing


About This Episode

I’ve been helping men and women overcome porn addiction for 18 years so I’ve seen a lot of people try to quit pornography. The problem is so many people think they just have to try harder. They white knuckle it and then feel incredibly frustrated and defeated when they keep trying harder but keep failing.

There’s white-knuckled change versus real change. I think one is “just try harder” and one is like, “Hey, what’s the root of this? Where’s this coming from?” That’s what we really went after in My Pilgrimage.

You’re medicating something with porn. Instead of treating the issue with medication, we want to get to the root. We want to ask the hard questions to find out why you turn to porn when you’re stressed or when you’ve just had a fight with your wife or when things are great or when you just got a raise.

You don’t have a porn problem at all. It’s just the drug of choice. What you need to do is get to the root of the problem. Find someone who you can talk to honestly, not about porn but about the reason you look at porn.

Our Favorite Quotes From This Episode

  • People are just try harder hoping the next thing will work and I just think that’s exhausting.
  • There’s white-knuckled change versus real change. I think one is “just try harder” and one is like, “hey, where’s the root of this?”
  • You need to ask yourself, what are the triggers? Where’s the pain?
  • You’re medicating something with porn and we keep going after the medicine instead of going after the root.
  • Who in your life can you talk to? Not about porn. I think porn is scary and what’s scarier though for men is like what’s underneath.
  • I see people keep fighting it and keep struggling and it’s like, just shift your thinking to this isn’t a porn problem at all.
  • Porn is easy. It’s the drug of choice. It’s easy. It’s cheap, it’s available and it’s everywhere.
  • What you got to look at is what are you running from. And if you can answer that question, I think you can get a great handle on things and just be.
  • When you look at porn, what are you running from? Just ask yourself that question and see what happens.
  • If you don’t have somebody honestly there that you could talk to, I recommend it. I think the more we can get around people that are discovering the same things, I think the better we’ll be together.


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